My dear sweet Jesus Christ,
As the world celebrates your resurrection this Easter weekend, I am urged to write this letter to you to thank you for all you have done , are doing and SHALL CONTINUE to do in my life.
My Heavenly Father, I first of all want to thank you for forgiving me for all the things I have done wrong, despite the free will you have given me throughout my blessed life.
Thank you for forgiving me for my past stupidity of constantly dancing with the enemy, only to then have the audacity to come crying to you when it stepped on my feet.
My excuse before had always been that I knew you would deliver me because I was just taunting the wicked by pretending to play stupid so we could laugh at them whislt I dodged their firey darts but the truth is that all of this was a waste of our precious time and that even though it is (and ALWAYS will be) that no weapon formed against me shall prosper, to then literally go into the dens of iniquity to fraternise with and entertain the wicked as I did was a pointless endeavour, of which there was no excuse.
The looks on the wicked people’s faces when they realised that they could do me nothing, as much as it was hilarious, was a useless endeavour as I could have been getting on with more constructive things and fulfilling my life’s purpose through you.
The fact that you have delivered me (and will continue to do so) from every attack and make the way clear for me to attain every good thing you have for me is enough for me to no longer feel the desire to play fool to catch wise, mock and dance with the enemy as the things I was looking for from mankind I could never have found in the places I was looking.
Jesus, you know more than I could ever know the things and people you have delivered me from.
From my classmates, work colleagues, ex neighbour, past partners, etc, I have encountered a lot of evil and on ALL occasions we have been victorious.
However, dear Jesus, I am sorry for making unnecessary work for you.
I am sorry that I allowed people’s negative comments in my childhood shape me in such a way that I felt that I needed validation from mankind to dispel such put downs.
I am sorry that what I was looking for from you and that only you could deliver, I foolishly chose to look for in not only mankind but the most manipulative and wicked of mankind.
How can one look for love where love does not exist?
I now know that mankind can NEVER give me the unconditonal love that ONLY you can provide and as much as – through my search for your love from mankind – I ended up having my heart broken by them, you have truly mended my heart to such an extent that I now fully forgive these people who have not only hurt me throughout my life, but with some actually deliberately attempting (yet ALWAYS failing!) to destroy me, they ultimately destroyed their own plans and themselves.
I forgive them ALL for the evils they have done to me and pray that they all find the peace and happiness that they tried so hard to take from me, whilst blaming me for things that I knew not of.
They all saw beneath the confident exterior I put on that I was indeed quite insecure and searching for somethig nice from them that they knew they did not possess and took pleasure in thinking they could destroy me and subsequently the power of God that dwells within me and I took pleasure in seeing the frustrations on their faces when they underestimated my faith in you, Jesus.
They were all baffled that such a person living such a debauched life could always be protected by you Jesus.
Even when it looked like they were winning, God was in full control, training and refining me.
All those years and money wasted trying to prove my ‘worth’ to the world was a useless endeavour, my Sweet Jesus, as I now have such a wonderful sense of freedom that can only be gained when one realises that it is a futile attempt giving CPR to dead situations and that one is never truly free until he has nothing to prove.
In effect, I spent my entire life sacrificing my feelings for others who did not give a damn about me… only to then switch on them to such an extent that they then felt justified in calling me a ‘psycho b****’.
People only really take advantage of you as a grown adult if you allow them, and I allowed too many people…
I have been amongst the richest of men and the poorest of women and the truth is that I have seen more wretchedness amongst the rich than I have amongst the poor.
The faces of their supposed ‘loved ones’ is often testament to who they really are and their true character…
I have been with men who I have shamelessly allowed to dangle money in front of me like a carrot because they foolishly thought I was a donkey.
I have been with said men who would then go on to point out vast mansions and mockingly say that I sould have ‘been there by now’ but for the fact that I was wasting time with them.
I have allowed people to talk to and treat me harsly and have said nothing because I did not want to hurt their feelings, for them to then later on call me a fool and cut me off.
In South London, I lived next door to an extremely evil woman who would copy almost everything I wore and did, yet hate me so vehemently because of this and fail in her attempts to destroy the evidence she tried to emulate.
Behind closed doors it had no qualms in letting me know that it practised witchcraft and along with her fellow witches would relish as they tried time and time again to come against me with their attacks, ony to feign ignorance and even upset when I would let my other neighbours and friends know of their wrong doings.
Seriously, the things I experienced whilst living next door to that witch – as much as I originally thought it was down to her being (as she confessed several times over) jealous of me, it was more to do with the fact that her inner demons were so uncomfortable living next door to me… or rather, you Jesus.
The fact that she works with children and had no shame about even enlisting her son to partake in the wicked things she did is testament alone of the type of beings that possessed her.
Instead of humbly rejoicing at the fact that your presence is what disturbed her, I took pleasure in seeing her get more and more jealous of my blessings, that I would unashamedly show off to get unnecessary attention.
I didn’t get it twisted for one second though, Jesus.
I knew I was a bit of a trouble maker in that I was a loud-mouthed poser who loved any bit of attention. As a result of this, I made it way too easy for the enemy and his evil minions to justify their distain for me due to the way I behaved (or rather, the way I did not know how to behave.)
The sad thing is that as much as she admired my figure, I admired her pretentious calm exterior (as behind closed doors see was anything but) but again, our actions made it easy for us to justify our distain and subsequent actions toward each other (her attacks and constant watching and my loud mouth/posing).
I know that I initiated the onslaught of attacks by me relishing in her jealousy of me and mocking her relentlessly because of this (of which I am now so ashamed of), but to say that the ‘punishment’ did not fit the ‘crime’ (by way of her unspeakable demonic attacks, surreptitious mind games and constant watching) is an understatement.
However, I also know that this was the time of my own spiritual awakening as – despite what I had previously known and experienced – the experiences I went through there solidified the fact that the power of simply calling on your name alone, Jesus quenched every firey dart that she tried to slay me with and that every prayer and Gospel music that so obviously annoyed her also visibly paralysed her and her evil god dead in their vile tracks.
It is the fact that these beings who practise such wickedness would retreat at the sound of your name alone Jesus, that I know you exist. That is why no one can ever question the relationship that I have with you, Jesus.
I wish the whole world recognised that there is so much power in the name of Jesus Christ as I do, without having to go through what I did!
By way of my childhood insecurities and crippling shyness that I tried to masquarade as confidence but came across as sheer arrogance, I thank you for forgiving me for and taking on as your own sins on the cross.
When I was 17, I was told that we were going to Italy to buy a car.
Even though I knew this was a lie, I played along, almost with the hope that I would be proved wrong. (This foolish trait is something I have done all my life with the wrong people I have come across, only for them to all prove me right.)
When we arrived in Nigeria, I broke down in the airport, begging to go back home and thorougly dissapointed that I had not been proved wrong.
The first night of my stay, I sat down to eat with the whole family with the house boy placing my food at the table as he did with everyone else…
On the second day, my plate of food was left in the kitchen…
On the third day, I had to get my own food out of the pot whilst the rest of the family had their own food served to them at the table.
For the next year I stayed with my family members – the Ozieh’s – a family I consider to be the most wicked on the face of this earth as I was abused, made to go to a school so poor that I was literally mugged for my Bic biro, made to go on public transport (which, let me tell you, is no easy feet as I still have the physical and mental scars from running to jump on an already full and moving bus which, when I did manage to catch, was either squashed with the other people like sardines standing up or, if I did manage to get a seat, was regularly felt up by some pervert).
This experience was thoroughly unfair as the Ozieh’s all went to private schools and had drivers, nannies and house maids to take care of them throughout their own childhood.
I was 17 and had already lived a life, but put in a classroom with 12-13 year olds who (being so poor would sell food on the road side after school) would constantly mock me.
I was not allowed any of the clothes I had brought, but instead made to wear my fat aunties oversized size 22 (I’m a size 0) clothes that she had purchased from London in the 1950’s.
I was from then on made to do errands and silently serve visitors like the house maid I was made to look like and be.
I slept on a matress on the floor in my vile and evil cousins room (in this vast mansion in Lagos) who both had a cosy bed to sleep on and would daily step on me when they awoke.
They would force me to eat fish, knowing I was allergic to seafood, and tell me to get over it as it was all in my mind, even though they could all visibly see me reacting to the seafood that they were forcing me to eat.
I was made to wake up before school to sweep and tidy the house and was treated so poorly, that their houseboy literally had nothing to do and so much time on his hands – as I had taken over his work – that he actually went back to college.
It was literally a true Cinderalla experience, with the two cousins that I shared a bedroom with being the two fat, ugly fucks.
They would leave me suffering with exzema (brought on by the stress and abuse I was going true) and tell me to get over it, not allowing me to go the doctor’s to get medication.
My cousin’s vile prostitute of a wife would give me her food that she no longer wanted like I was a dog and I was told off for stating this before being made to eat it.
When I wrote a letter to my mother and gave to my cousin who was flying (probably first class) to London, begging for her to let me come back home and told her of all that I was experiencing, instead of giving the letter to my mother, my cousin opened the letter and told the whole family of the content, for which I was thoroughly reprimanded for by them.
This is when the abuse and neglect escalated…
I was made to cook for the whole family but not rarely allowed to sit with them.
In the morning when I would come down for breakfast in my dressing gown, I was told off for doing so, depite the fact that the whole family were seated in their dressing gowns.
When the kithchen sink was blocked, the houseboy and my aunty would use my school packed lunch bowl to scoop out the gutter water.
When I – to prove a point of how badly they treated and perceived me – went to pretent to help and picked up her granddaughter’s bowl to go and asssist them, my aunty went to beat me for having the audacity to use her grandaughter’s bowl to scoop up the filthy gutter water… but yet she was using mine.
One time when we went to my grandmother’s – the late HRH the Omu of Ogwashi Ukwu – village to attend a funeral, when we were about to leave, I noticed my aunty looking suspicious when I went to get my luggage and upon picking up the clothes that I did not recognise in my luggage, I noticed that she had packed her husband’s Y fronts (all coated with skid marks) beneath the clothes she had placed on top.
When I looked at her to say what is this, she went to beat me and told me to shut up and accept that she had put items so dirty that she wouldnt put in her own lugage in mine.
I was literally made to be the house maid and was so humiliated on a daily basis that to this day (some 30 years ago), I cannot forget.
I was abused by one of the teachers in my school and in the end – upon hearing of my wicked aunty’s intention (after they had opened and read the letter I had written to my mother) of sending me to my late grandmother’s village to live and suffer – I ran away and stayed with my brother’s friends in Lagos for two weeks, were I was sexualy taken advantage of.
Before leaving the Ozieh’s home, I took some expensive designer items with me which, instead of being apologetic about the way they treated me, the Ozieh’s chose to hold against me to this day.
Before I ran away I should have burnt their frigging house down…
In Nigeria, my name and family are of such high prestige and we have money – loads of money – with the aunty’s (who I was staying in) husband owning an oil company that he sold to BP, and with my other late aunty being the first female judge in Nigeria, so to be treated so poorly but be surrounded by a family with such prestige and wealth is something I can never forget.
My wicked aunty shoud have continued to focus her attention on the family’s futile attempts at trying to ‘un-gay’ her son instead of trying to ‘reform’ and maltreat me…
To this day, my mother uses the excuse that she did not realise that her sister’s family – the Ozieh’s – were so wicked and if she had known she would not have abandoned me there, but the truth is that she should never had left me there just because she felt that she could not handle the ‘monster’ she had created, which wasn’t the fact as all I did was smoke weed and stay out late (which, being born in Brixton and raised in Lambeth, was a minor).
Before she left me with them, she told them that she found a bag of heroin in my room, which was a not true as it was only weed. She also – in her attempt to justify leaving me there – made the false accusation that I would beat her.
As a result, the Ozieh’s excuse for the way they were treating me was that they were trying to reform me.
I was literally made to be the family’s (my own flesh and blood) house girl and made to do things they themselves wouldn’t do, until my mother came to get me and take me back home to London, but not before getting a witch doctor to shave off my long hair, put a turtle on my head (as she told him that I was hyperactive), chant incessantly and cut me to put tribal marks on my body.
This whole experience had such and impact on me, that when I returned to London, I believe that it was around this time that I took on the trait of trying to prove my worth (not only to everyone, but myself), playing along with people’s lies in the hope that they would prove me wrong and adapt the personally of posing, strutting and showing off.
This led me to be used and abused by the people I encountered.
Instead of this I am happy to be used by you, Jesus to show the world your salvation and thank you for doing so time and time again, especially several years ago when you used me to change the UK law which then enabled certain mothers to have an easier life.
Long gone are those days of allowing myself to be used by man.
Thank you for forgiving me for this whilst protecting me at the same time.
Instead of humbly accepting your blessings I instead would constantly seek acceptance from mankind, which ulimately and invariably ended up with me being used and abused by them, time and time again.
I have wasted my time on so many ‘non-enitites’ only for them to mock me for doing so without realising that by doing so they were revealing more about what they thought of themsleves than me.
I have wasted decades trying to get people to see my worth because I needed their validation in order to dispel the lack of self worth I felt with myself due to my childhood issues.
I would prance around flashing my financial worth, figure and blessings and do so with even more joy when I would see the envy on the faces of others who did not possess the same.
I felt justified in my antagonising of them because I just being (what I thought was) me and that they were deserving of this because they were jealous of me instead of joyful for me.
The truth is though that hating hate is not the same as loving love.
The school run was my runway and with every mum’s whisper of ‘look at her, she thinks she’s so nice!’ and ‘where does she think she’s going, please?’, I would use this as validation of my worth and pose off even more so on the next morning’s school run, only to then come home and cry to you Jesus because of the jealousy and spite I received from other women.
I had mothers physically push me out of the way and their children pick on and beat up my innocent, beautiful child for years, whilst telling her that ‘your mum thinks she’s too nice’ (something they had obviously heard their own disgraceful mother’s say) but I leave them to you, Lord.
I have sat down and shared my money with people I knew hated me in the hope that this would make them not despise me and your blessings in my life, Jesus.
I would get suspended from work because of other women hating that I made more money than them, only to try to appease them and ‘kill them with kindeness’ by bringing them in on my earninngs and then go home and cry whenever they got me suspended again due to their false accusations.
These women would happily sit with me and take my money that I had earned but chose to share with them, only to then try and get me sacked for being more successful than them.
When I would try and tell them that it was their own competitive small minds that was preventing them from attaining the endless blessings that were also available to them and that they should choose love over hate, they would look at me as if I was speaking a foreign language and despise me even more.
In school, I knew a fat ginger girl whose homes we would both visit after school.
Despite the fact that when at her home her mother would constantly invite me to do psychic readings and attend her Saturday ‘spiritual’ get togethers (these beings seem to often gather on a Saturday night, as if to mock your Sabbath Day), for which I would always refuse as it was against my God to partake in such nastiness, I would still visit this so-called friend’s parents home and even eat of the food she would prepare.
One day, as my Spirit led me, after calling me into the kitchen to collect the plate of corned beef rice and fried dumplings her and her mother had cooked, I did not take the plate she had pointed to but instead took the other one that was there and, as I walked away, I heard her say angrily to her mother “she took the wrong plate”…
Later on, she (as my South London neighbour would also do) would always attempt to take my picture, for which I would always refuse.
One day, she went through a whole charade of pretending to line up her two brothers outside her home, with the pretence of taking their picture, only to then turn around and try to take mine, running after me in the hallway taking snaps as I turned and ran away.
We both feigned laughter as we were running but it was not funny in the slightest…
She also stole gold from my home as well as steal an art project I had done that the school art teacher wanted to enter into a Cadbury’s chocolate competition on my behalf.
(These two points are far from trivial, as you well know, Sweet Jesus…)
Again, the sad fact that this individual works with the vulnerable (in the NHS) is testament to how far deep within the system these agents really are and how far they are prepared to go to attempt to undo any work you have done in your chosen people, Jesus.
Heavenly Father, again I thank you for forgiving me for continually feeling that I it was okay to remain friends with those who were anything but friends but in fact vile enemies.
I have considered people such close friends for them to then turn on me when I had done them nothing.
I knew a woman on a course who I considered to be such a close friend, so much so that when another woman in our class started being horrible to me for no reason, pulling faces and rolling her eyes with the other people on the course whenever I spoke and gossiping about me, this person who I considered a friend stated how much she hated her for what she was doing.
She not only disliked this girl for being so mean to me but stated that even though it was clearly apparent in the way that she behaved that she too craved attention, it was the manipulative way she would behave, boast about herself, as well as lie about almost everything that my ‘friend’ found so offensive and off-putting and indictive of someone with an ugly character.
Later (just two years after we finished the course) the same person I considered my friend came to visit me to scandal this same ‘mean girl’ by saying that she was all over the internet doing despicable, vile things and stole tens of thousands of pounds off a man which she then used as a down payment for her home.
This ‘friend’ also told me of her intentions to tell all and sundry about what this ‘mean girl’ had done.
Fast forward a bit later and even though I had not seen this girl I considered my friend for a couple of years, we would speak regularly on the phone, with her still lamenting on about how much she despised this ‘mean girl’.
Then, for several weeks almost every night, my Holy Spirit would literally wake me up in the middle of the night to warn me to be cautious of this ‘friend’ as she was speaking ill of me to someone in particular, which made no sense as I thought that we did not know anyone that she would be speaking ill of me to and as my conscious was clear, I did not know what negative things the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me she could be saying.
When I called her to ask her if she had been speaking ill of me, she feigned upset and stated that she was not.
Within a few days, this person I considered a friend (whilst still scandaling the ‘mean girl’ to anyone who would listen) emailed me a recent picture of herself posing and smiling with the ‘mean girl’.
As always, the Holy Spirit was right…
I asked her why she had felt the need to send me the picture and told her that she was looking hypocritical and two-faced after all the things she had shared about the ‘mean girl’ and that this was not conducive to being an honest friend… to either of us.
After begging me not to tell the ‘mean girl’, she then angrily accused me of being jealous, responded that she was going to block me and – knowing full well the things I had been through in the past with people and why I subsequently kept myself to myself – retorded, “no wonder you have no friends”.
(The next day, I went to contact the ‘mean girl’ on Facebook to let her know all of what she was saying about her to anyone who would listen, but in the end thought better of it and instead congratulated her on her recent competition entry.)
She was also trying for a child and when I advised her that she should maybe get with another fellow classmate who I thought she was seeing, she responded that her family member would never forgive her if she had a mixed race child and that she couldn’t have a baby with a black man…
People are rarely as they seem.
I have allowed men to take advantage of me even though I was not even attracted to them because I did not want to hurt their feelings by refusing them.
I knew a man who would frequent where I worked and shower me thousands of pounds. He would take me out and we became friends, with him taking me to his private members clubs, on holiday, etc, only to call me a ‘whore’ whenever I would cancel any dates in order to stay at home with my child.
This man – a self proclaimed ‘pillar of the community’ (who also would badger on at me to take my picture, and later on even my child’s picture) would telephone me to complain about his family by saying such vile things as how much he hates his wife’s dad because the poor old man was now living in his home after the loss of his elderly wife and wished that this poor old man would also die so he did not have to have him in his home.
He would also coldly state how he hated having a ginga (red haired) for a granddaughter and wished he could pay his Brighton ‘heavies’ to do away with his grandchildren’s father but knew he could not as their mother – his daughter – would never forgive him…
How could I still have fraternized with such a person, Jesus?
This man later on went on to do something to me that I now need not say but like a fool, I chose to play along with his denials because of the money he would give me.
I am so sorry Jesus.
Thank you for forgiving me.
In his own mind (because of his personal number plated cars, published art, private club memebrships and black women arm candy) he thought that he had convinced the world of his ‘successes’ but the sad truth is that deep down he knew that he was living one big lie and (probably because of his own childhood abandonment issues, obvious short comings, etc) he felt the need to ‘buy’ love and prove his worth through material goods.
It is with you Jesus that all they who I allowed to hurt me are to be held accountanble and it is not my job to show such people love in the hope that it would be appreciated or even reciprocated.
I just forgive them, forgive myself and move on.
I have been set up by women who I entertained, knowing they disliked me because of my blessings and even continued to entertain long after the evidence of their failed set up had been revealed.
This was insanity of the highest order on my part as again, I know no one in their right mind would be around someone that they knew was not for them.
Even though I know such beings can never prevail over me, it was stupid of me to have done such things and again, dear Jesus, I thank you for your forgiveness.
I have seen those who hate you, Jesus (and worship the enemy) more bound than they could ever have (tried) to make me.
I have had the audacity to seek love from such beings and again, come crying to you asking you to explain why they hated me so much.
Love and hate can NEVER be friends and thus, for whatever insane reason I spent so many decades trying to find good in bad, this will NEVER be the case in me again as every person that has done me wrong, your Holy Spirit had warned me about beforehand. The fact that I would never head your warnings because I knew they could do me nothing as you always protect and deliver me, was no excuse.
From now on Jesus, I will help you to help me and NEVER knowingly move with those who retreat at the sound of your name!
Jesus, we both know that I have seen and experienced so much badness in this world from the people who have come and gone.
I have entertained wicked people – and therefore the things that they did that I did not agree with – just to keep the peace (and constant ‘income’).
I have entertained shameless adulterers and been around those who secretly practise witchcraft but go around saying ‘Father, Lord God’ whilst being attacked spiritually by them day and night for years.
This was disgraceful on my part as I was only making a mockery of the God I claim to serve.
The fact that despite all this, you still delivered and elevated me above those who were against us, is a realisation that now humbles me to tears.
I love you so much Jesus.
This knowledge that it is your power in me Jesus that the enemy hated so much should have been sufficient for me but the fact that I took pleasure in sinning whilst taunting them as I avoided their firey darts, is time I cannot take back.
From my questionable choices in men and jobs, the debauchery, proudness, arrogance, stubborness and relying on the flesh (rather than you fully even though I knew that you would always deliver me), I thank you Jesus for not only forgiving me for, but for dying on the cross in order that I can be saved.
I acknowledge you Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, that you died on the cross for my sins, rose again on the third day and are now seated at the right and of our Heavenly Father.
I thank you, Jesus Christ of Nazareth for all you have done in my life, are continuing to do in my life and WILL continue to do in my life forever more.
I thank you, Heavenly Father, for forgiving me for not acknowledging, abusing and neglecting the innumerable blessings you bestowed on my life, time and time again.
I thank you, dear Jesus for right now restoring to me, Justina Elumeze, in THIS physical realm sevenfold all of the goodness that has been stolen from me, I have given away and wasted over the years, in Jesus’ name.
I thank you for giving me, Justina Elumeze, your shield of victory and for dealing with those who afflict me, whilst paying back tribulation to ALL those who have troubled me and that you will continue to do so forever more, in Jesus’ name.
I thank you, Heavenly Father for making me the apple of your eye and thank you for forgiving me for going out of my way to please those who were envious of this in order for them to feel at ease.
One cannot be proud and ashamed at the same time.
I now know that what I was looking for from others (YOUR love) resided within ME all along and as a result of this, I no longer look for love externally.
As much as I no longer have the desire or need to seek self worth from others, I am even more proud of myself, my endless blessings and most importantly, I am proud of my Jesus Christ!
I am proud of being the apple of your eye, dear Jesus, and will never again be embarrassed because of those envious of this or subsequently lower my standards for ANYONE!
Thank you, my Jehovah Nissi!
Victory shall ALWAYS be Justina Elumeze’s, in the name of Jesus Christ!
Happy Easter, Jesus.
As ther world celerates your glorious resurrection this Easter, I give thanks and praise to you Jesus Christ, with the peace of mind and knowledge that:
Teteletai: It Is Finished!